I went to a doctor, all he did was suck blood from my neck.
Do not go see Dr. Acula!

When I was a kid I had a fear of numbers. But then I  took algebra, then I had a fear of letters too.

What do you call a kid who doesn't believe in Santa?

A rebel without a Claus.

Quote from: Unbeliever on December 12, 2023, 03:07:23 PMWhat do you call a kid who doesn't believe in Santa?

A rebel without a Claus.

We knew there was no Santa because we woke up to hear dad yelling at mom when trying to assemble a bicycle or something. I was shattered for about a half hour. We kept our mouths shut about it and played the game with some extra leverage after that.

Quote from: Unbeliever on December 12, 2023, 01:58:23 PMWhen I was a kid I had a fear of numbers. But then I  took algebra, then I had a fear of letters too.

I broke my math bone in the 5th grade. It never healed properly. Never minded that.

When Thor spent the night with a woman, he got up the next morning and said to her, "I have to tell you, I am Thor."
She said, "Well I can hardly walk!"

I went to a gym 'cause I wanted to get in shape. Now I'm a dodecahedron.

I had fleas and ticks but I bathed in low fat milk and now I only have ticks.

Quote from: Unbeliever on December 13, 2023, 06:56:28 PMI had fleas and ticks but I bathed in low fat milk and now I only have ticks.

I don't get this one.

A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.

I once met a man with one ear named Larry. I don't know the name of his other ear.

What do you call a chic southern gal conspiracist loving grill master? A Barbie Q

Quote from: Cassia on December 13, 2023, 08:58:03 AMWe knew there was no Santa because we woke up to hear dad yelling at mom when trying to assemble a bicycle or something. I was shattered for about a half hour. We kept our mouths shut about it and played the game with some extra leverage after that.

I found out about Saint Nicholas not being real after I found the drawings that he'd supposedly taken with him, in a shelf.

Our saint nick ain't santa though.
I never really believed in american santa, i think.
Our parents kept the presents under the tree way before christmass-eve. So there was no role for santa to actually play in the festivities.
And besides, with christmass, we got together with family and exchanged gifts and 90% of them were pyjamas or socks or stuff like that.

Our 'santa' equivalent, sinterklaas, came on the sixth of december. He travelled to belgium on a steamboat. And traversed the roofs on a white horse. His helper travelled down the chimney and brought the presents and speculoos and chocolate and marzepan and clementines and other treats.

And regarding that helper, in case you heard it before, yeah... not exactly a high note of the mythos. To put it mildly.

In any case: those gifts we didn't get to see in advance. So that we were inclined to believe.
We sang songs for sinterklaas. Saw enchanting tv shows about him. We left a beer for him and a carrot for his horse, in our shoes, by the fireplace... that part felt magical.
But when i found out, i wasn't sad at all. I was old enough to realize 'oh yes, it doesn't really make sense' though i had not even once questioned it so far. And i immeadiately realized this meant my parents loved us so much that they went through all this hassle for us.

I believed in Santa Claus because we always left milk and cookies out for him, and they were always gone the next morning. And NORAD always tracked him on radar, so what was I supposed to think? Then one day, when I was about 6 years old, we were at the local shopping mall and I wanted to sit on Santa's lap and tell him what I wanted for Christmas, and my mom (adopted) said "don't be stupid, there's no such thing as Santa Claus!"
😱

Quote from: Mr.Obvious on December 17, 2023, 03:22:22 PMAnd regarding that helper, in case you heard it before, yeah... not exactly a high note of the mythos. To put it mildly.

You don't say...