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I Touched Myself "Down There"

Started by stromboli, February 04, 2014, 11:29:18 PM

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stromboli

http://www.dailykos.com/story/2014/02/0 ... down-there

QuoteThe Housing and Student Living Office at Brigham Young University has a new video out and it's a doozy. Narrated by the president of BYU, Kim B. Clark, the video admonishes his students that not reporting your masturbating roommate to your friendly Bishop is exactly like leaving a wounded soldier for dead on the battlefield.

The video begins by introducing us to a hopelessly porn-addicted young man looking at naughty bits on his laptop. His neglectful roommate knows he's in there giving himself a little treat, yet does not storm in to remove his hairy palm from off his Johnson. For shame!

Cut away now to this horny young man in uniform, laying on the ground dazed and confused, while a battle rages around him. Apparently, no one gives a good damn about his predicament until his roommate a soldier spies him and is overcome by pity. In a fit of heroics, artillery exploding all around him, he dashes to the soldier's aid and rescues him in the nick of time. We then cut back to the dorm where, after having been thoroughly shamed into stopping with all that sordid tugging, we learn this lost soul is going to be okay, if not a little sexually frustrated.

The temptations of The Great War are many. The battle is real and the strategies are clever. The enemy is cruel, ruthless and relentless. We must not underestimate the danger. We must be vigilant and valiant.
A lonely confused young man gets addicted to pornography. His roommates know but they do nothing to help him. He stops going to church and there is darkness in his eyes. The young man is spiritually wounded on the battlefield of The Great War.

In our modern society, the enemy has spread fear of getting involved when someone's in trouble, and has fostered a social stigma against people who speak up in the face of evil. The enemy whispers, 'Don't get involved. It's not your problem. Don't tell. You'll be a tattletale.'

Oh brothers and sisters, don't leave the wounded on the battlefield. Stick together. You don't need to be a more righteous than thou person. We're all sinners. We all have troubles. We've all been spiritually wounded on the battlefield of The Great War. But you have felt the redeeming power of Christ. You who know his love and his grace, you know he can heal all wounds.

If you reach out in a spirit of love and humility, you can help the spiritually wounded find the savior. If you need to, talk to your bishop. Tell someone who can do something, that you have a friend in trouble. Don't be silent. Don't leave the wounded on the battlefield.

Throughout this, Clark doesn't mention just exactly what actions BYU or the church elders might take if a student gets outed for giving it a wank. Do they get demerits? Is their holy underwear swapped out for a hair shirt? Are they paraded through Temple Square with a giant red M stitched across their chest?
Something tells me that Kim B. Clark spends an inordinate amount of time worrying about all that monkey spanking going on. Perhaps he should find himself a hobby.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, this is the level of control the LDS wants to instill in all the little minions. Get caught, totally stigmatized and carrying guilt for the rest of your life. And I bet it winds up on their permanent record. Seriously.

Damarcus

hey, internet porn is a gateway drug. One minute he's looking at porn on the internet the next he's wearing a fursuit and a pair of fuzzy handcuffs while a sexy dominatrix whips him repeatedly, thus bringing about the end times.

It's all in revelations, probably.
Quote from: \"Tony Harrison\""This is an outrage!"

Quote from: \"Plu\"When you can\'t wield logic, everything sounds like an insult.

AllPurposeAtheist

NO! DON'T! God will burn you forever and ever and ever and ever and... When you have to pee just piss on the floor the way god intended!  :rollin:
All hail my new signature!

Admit it. You're secretly green with envy.

The Skeletal Atheist

I masturbated for the first time yesterday and look what happened to me:


That's right, I turned into a motherfucking t-rex. You may think that's awesome, but now I can't masturbate due to my tiny arms.

DON'T MASTURBATE!
Some people need to be beaten with a smart stick.

Kein Mehrheit Fur Die Mitleid!

Kein Mitlied F�r Die Mehrheit!

AllPurposeAtheist

Oh bite me... No..wait. That didn't come out right.  :shock:
All hail my new signature!

Admit it. You're secretly green with envy.

Hijiri Byakuren

Quote from: "The Skeletal Atheist"That's right, I turned into a motherfucking t-rex.
[youtube:1eobm7x9]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eNAU4Bwjyr8[/youtube:1eobm7x9]
Black lives matter, feminism is good, religion is bullshit, and if you disagree with me on any of these points you are a fucking moron.<br /><br />Sargon The Grape - My Youtube Channel

Atheon

Quote"...the video admonishes his students that not reporting your masturbating roommate to your friendly Bishop..."
Report to the Bishop about "beating the Bishop"?
"Religion is regarded by the common people as true, by the wise as false, and by the rulers as useful." - Seneca

stromboli

Send young men on missions. Some discover, after sleeping in the same apartment with a male other, they are gay. So get rid of the gay ones. Not allowed to jerk off in school so they will be horny little monsters that will be continually urged to marry soonest and replicate little Mormons, thus keeping numbers up. All part of the plan.

Hydra009

#8
I can't believe there's a social stigma on intruding in people's private lives, making them feel guilty over something that's pretty much harmless, and then proceeding to preach at them.  Egads, where have we gone wrong as a society?!

Also "wounded soldier" is slang for a masturbation-related injury.  Just fyi.

AllPurposeAtheist

All good old fashioned,  American,  man on top, woman on bottom,  get it over with quick sex...in the dark, under covers in your magic underwear!  Damned, that makes me wanna touch myself.  8-[  :-$
All hail my new signature!

Admit it. You're secretly green with envy.

GrinningYMIR

Oh, you should have seen the shit they used to do to you for masturbating back in the medieval eras, they'd burn the sin away, or they'd put a chastity belt on you. Yes they made them for men, and they were quite painful

They were actually designed to stick a needle in your boy when you got a hard on  :shock:  :shock:  :shock:
"Human history is a litany of blood shed over differing ideals of rulership and afterlife"

Governor of the 32nd Province of the New Lunar Republic. Luna Nobis Custodit

stromboli

Which gives me a great idea. A line of chastity belts, advertised by churches around the world. I'll be wealthy.  :-D

Atheon

Interesting how these aging men are obsessed with the idea of young guys jacking off.
"Religion is regarded by the common people as true, by the wise as false, and by the rulers as useful." - Seneca

Hydra009

Quote from: "Atheon"Interesting how these aging men are obsessed with the idea of young guys jacking off.
Religious types are fixated on the bedroom and controlling what goes on in it.

AllPurposeAtheist

In the whole vast universe and beyond there's only one thing that will send all those planets & stars into a cataclysmic tizzy.. YOU KNOW you're responsible for keeping order in the cosmos so plesse, I beg of you! DON'T touch "it"! :shock:  [-X  :-$
All hail my new signature!

Admit it. You're secretly green with envy.