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We've Been Drinking Coffee the Wrong Way

Started by Aletheia, May 23, 2015, 12:16:23 PM

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Aletheia

QuoteI Will Never Drink Coffee The Same Way Again. This Man Is A Genius.


Replace filter and coffee grounds with new filter and new coffee grounds.

Pour first batch of coffee back into the coffee maker.

Brew AGAIN

Lift off

Let me tell you people something. I work nights and needed a way to stay energetic. I finally found the answer...

I just drank "double brewed coffee" and I feel like I can throw an orange at 60 percent the speed of light. Do you realize that if I had a boomerang right now I could kill god, eat his meat, and use his hide to stay warm during those long nights on the savanna? ENERGY. After drinking this special coffee I suddenly find myself triangulating coordinates and shit in my mind. I'm pretty sure if I was a floating head that I'd be able to float directly to the Bermuda triangle without stopping for directions. I have so much energy that I'm now watching half hour long sitcoms in just seconds!

You ever notice that they don't have any type of Karate for German shepherds? If dogs learned to focus their chi, just imagine how screwed we'd be? Well, I wouldn't be screwed, but you most certainly would be. Right now I could probably fight off a giant ghost flamingo made entirely from ninja stars and tasers. In fact, I'm about 85 percent certain that I could mess up a 2003 Nissan Altima, if it were to suddenly become self-aware and hostile towards me. ENERGY.

I have so much energy that I can multitask more stuff right now than your lazy ass will accomplish within the next 4 months. While I type this I'm also filming a remake of "tango and cash", done with puppets. Simultaneously, I'm also updating my match.com profile while dry humping a zebra and skiing.

And guess what? I just squeezed a New York steak with my bare hands and crushed it into individual calories! I am the ghost of Jim Varney and I will haunt you into infinity! I am the one that inspired the "blade" movies and I will triumph! I am the singularity, the way, the light, the man who can turn a normal visit to the zoo into a multiple felony getaway vacation to the andromeda galaxy and I don't take crap from anyone!!

If you want to lay around until you morph into a giant stick of butter and explode, that's your choice. But if you want so much energy that you could morph into a cybernetic plasma cheetah and beat the living sh*t out of the power rangers then I suggest you try "double brewed coffee". ENERGY.




Quote from: Jakenessif you believe in the supernatural, you do not understand modern science. Period.

the_antithesis


AllPurposeAtheist

I think there's something besides coffee in that double brew.. I'm thinking perhaps cylicybin..
All hail my new signature!

Admit it. You're secretly green with envy.

Mike Cl

If you want to really hit the 'singularity' use the coffee that is double chewed through a monkey's ass, then double brew that!  I have not been brave enough, yet.
Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able?<br />Then he is not omnipotent,<br />Is he able but not willing?<br />Then whence cometh evil?<br />Is he neither able or willing?<br />Then why call him god?

Gawdzilla Sama

Quote from: the_antithesis on May 23, 2015, 12:18:23 PM
But how does it taste?
I used to drink Navy coffee from a five gallon percolator. After that any coffee that doesn't double as paint remover is delicious.
We 'new atheists' have a reputation for being militant, but make no mistake  we didn't start this war. If you want to place blame put it on the the religious zealots who have been poisoning the minds of the  young for a long long time."
PZ Myers

Mermaid

A cynical habit of thought and speech, a readiness to criticise work which the critic himself never tries to perform, an intellectual aloofness which will not accept contact with life’s realities â€" all these are marks, not as the possessor would fain to think, of superiority but of weakness. -TR

Hydra009

QuoteI just drank "double brewed coffee" and I feel like I can throw an orange at 60 percent the speed of light. Do you realize that if I had a boomerang right now I could kill god, eat his meat, and use his hide to stay warm during those long nights on the savanna? ENERGY. After drinking this special coffee I suddenly find myself triangulating coordinates and shit in my mind. I'm pretty sure if I was a floating head that I'd be able to float directly to the Bermuda triangle without stopping for directions. I have so much energy that I'm now watching half hour long sitcoms in just seconds!
Haha.  This guy is like 20% away from a Powerthirst commercial!

stromboli

Quote from: Gawdzilla Sama on May 23, 2015, 12:59:00 PM
I used to drink Navy coffee from a five gallon percolator. After that any coffee that doesn't double as paint remover is delicious.


I used to brew that shit. I've also made it strained through a piece of cheesecloth over a 5 gallon gunboat when the coffee machine went belly up. And I agree, if it don't remove paint it is delish.

the_antithesis

Quote from: Gawdzilla Sama on May 23, 2015, 12:59:00 PM
I used to drink Navy coffee from a five gallon percolator. After that any coffee that doesn't double as paint remover is delicious.


That's nice.

I've been going to a local coffee roaster and getting the subtle nuances in flavor from coffee.

Shiranu

Fuck all of you for being able to drink coffee :(.

#JealousyOverload
Every day is a good day to *remove from server* an autocrat.

AllPurposeAtheist

Quote from: Shiranu on May 23, 2015, 01:52:37 PM
Fuck all of you for being able to drink coffee :(.

#JealousyOverload
Well thank you for such wonderful thoughts Shiranu.. By the way..just how the fuck did your name come up in my spell check?
All hail my new signature!

Admit it. You're secretly green with envy.

Mike Cl

Quote from: Mermaid on May 23, 2015, 01:06:16 PM
Beautiful, wondrous caffeine.

Ha!  That looks like me before I get my morning coffee.
Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able?<br />Then he is not omnipotent,<br />Is he able but not willing?<br />Then whence cometh evil?<br />Is he neither able or willing?<br />Then why call him god?

Mike Cl

Quote from: stromboli on May 23, 2015, 01:19:05 PM
I used to brew that shit. I've also made it strained through a piece of cheesecloth over a 5 gallon gunboat when the coffee machine went belly up. And I agree, if it don't remove paint it is delish.
The worst coffee I ever had was in Death Valley (Ft. Irwin) during my National Guard 2-week stint.  We had to use the coffee that came in the K-ration kits, because we were in the middle of the desert and there was no hot coffee.  It is amazing  the depths I will go to to get my morning fix!!
Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able?<br />Then he is not omnipotent,<br />Is he able but not willing?<br />Then whence cometh evil?<br />Is he neither able or willing?<br />Then why call him god?

AllPurposeAtheist

Ever drink that garbage that comes in those little paper and foil packets? I think there's more coffee in tomato soup..
All hail my new signature!

Admit it. You're secretly green with envy.

Mike Cl

Okay--I was a little wrong about that coffee bean being shot out of a monkey's ass.  It is really called kopi luwak coffee, or civit coffee.  And a civit is really a cat, not a monkey.  And it does love to eat the reddest coffee beans.  Then they gather the civit crap and extract the bean from the civit crap.  And they brew that.  It is very expensive.  And, no, I have not had any, and I don't think I want any.
Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able?<br />Then he is not omnipotent,<br />Is he able but not willing?<br />Then whence cometh evil?<br />Is he neither able or willing?<br />Then why call him god?