The "voice" of God

hephzibah · Posted: Sat Feb 24, 2007 10:35 am Post subject: The "voice" of God

Walking away from christianity has not been as easy as I may make it sound when I talk. Some days it's down right hard because a lot of who I am was wrapped up in that belief system for about half my life so far. My identity was formed within my belief in this "unconditional loving God that saw little ol me and cared." So some days I'm left feeling a bit miffed about the whole thing. A bit confused about who I am. A bit disoriented about my life and where I'm going. About what I want. I suppose that's some what understandable.

My life is in a bit of a mess right now and often times that causes me to draw inward to try and reconcile the conflicts within myself. Sometimes it works... sometimes it doesn't... so I just keep going. I have no other choice in the matter right? I have no "god" fall back on anymore to tell me what to do, where to go, how to live my life. It's all on me now. This mess began about a year and a half ago when I married a "good Christian man" who took me for everything I had and left me with nothing. Who cheated on me the entire time we were engaged and married, getting his brothers ex pregnant in the process.

Who berated me daily while he was so drunk he could barely stand up in order to "keep me in my place" so I would know HE'S "the head of the household, HE wears the pants in THIS family." All the while scolding me even further because I refused to go to church with him and put a plastic smile on my face so everyone would think everything was "OK". I then became a "bad christian" you see. In then end he walked away with almost $10,000 of my hard earned money and never looked back except to tell me he'd "pray" for me.

He left me penniless and working a little $8 an hour gas station job with no benefits, living with my parents, unable to support myself because I'm starting at ground zero once again. A place I worked really hard for years to get out of and honestly believed that with "God on my side" I would never see again. Yet here I am. I came "home" to find out a short time later that both of my fathers, my step-father and my paternal father, have been diagnosed with terminal cancer and are expected to die within the next year and some days you guys, I can't make a decision to save my life. Some days it just feels like too much for any one person to handle and I wish for just a second that I could go to sleep and not wake up tomorrow.

There is a point to my sharing all this believe it or not. The things that are happening in my life are kind of a driving force for me right now to face reality head on. Not the little fantasy world I lived in for 17 years. Not the ideal that I can some how shove all this away and "God" will just clean up the mess and take responsibility for it all. Even that "good Christian man" I married isn't 100% responsible for where I'm at and some of the struggles I'm having. Ultimately I made the decisions that led me to this place. Ultimately I am the only one who can make the decision to climb my way out. Ok. I can do that.

So I'm looking for either another part time job or a full time job to replace my current job that will pay enough for me to support myself even if it is only check to check. At least then I would have something to call my own. So while I was looking at the classifieds today something dawned on me. You see for many years I believed I "heard the voice of God". That literally is what directed my every step. I was looking at adds for cleaning people which is something that pays decent and I do pretty well and that same old thought popped into my head again, "Oh no, but "God" said you would never have to work as a janitor again Robin."

God said.

Huh? God also "said" I would never live in MI again. Which ultimately kept me from moving back there about six months ago when I first found out my paternal father was diagnosed with cancer. You know... wouldn't want to go against "God's will". He might send me to hell for wanting to be closer to my dying father because "He" doesn't "want" me in MI anymore. Jesus christianity is one screwed up way of thinking. After that thought hit me though I started thinking about the "voice of God". I started realizing all the things I haven't done because of this supposed "voice".

Where does it come from? What exactly is it anyway? Is it people who are so desperate to not make their own decisions that they have to pawn the responsibility for those decisions off on a "God" who "speaks" to them? Are they insane? If they are insane... was I? Or am I? These are the kinds of questions I get faced with every day almost. Christians do some of the most ridiculous things in "the name of God" because you know "He" "told" them to do it... for "His glory". However, I fail to see how anyone or anything could get any sort of "glory" from the state of my life for the last year and a half.

And to be quite frank... a "God" that would take "glory" from the things that have happened and are happening to me is one sick mo fo if you ask me.
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Don't worry... Jesus loves you... Really he does... He'll only send you to hell if you don't follow his commandments... or him... oh yeah and hate your mother and father... but don't worry it's all good... just put on a skirt and head to church... it's your one way ticket to heaven... Truuuust me! Mr. Green

Ophis · Posted: Sat Feb 24, 2007 11:14 am Post subject:

I am becoming more convinced that fundamentalist protestantism is just an effort to make oneself schizophrenic. They don't want to take responsibility for their actions, but want the Big Daddy to tell them what they should do. So they try to hear his voice, and when He doesn't say anything, they listen to whatever idea comes into their head first, and call it God's voice.

It is my opinion that Christianity is fundamentally childish. It is an effort to revert to "the Garden of Eden", a simple childish state of naivety and protection by a Father figure. The story of "the Fall" is basically an allegory for gaining sexual and intellectual maturity (eating from the "tree of knowledge" and noticing nakedness), and with it independence and the problems of responsibility and suffering.

So basically, you weren't insane, but you were subject to an apparently appealing delusion (as I and most of the people here have been).

monty · Posted: Sat Feb 24, 2007 1:02 pm Post subject:

Wow Hez...that's a pretty tough story.

Cancer is something I have FAR too much experience with in my family and friends. I watched a good, good friend die from it in college. Plus my two grandmothers. And my mom has fought a 12 year running battle with 9+ surgeries, multiple chemo, radiation, etc. So I can say with authority it sucks BAD to watch people go through it, especially if you love them.

I also understand that downright anger/frustration/etc that comes from losing one's religion. As someone wiser than me (I don't remember where or when) said - after you quit believing the whole thing just looks like Santa Claus for adults. You could never go back because you see how ridiculous the whole thing is.

That said - I do think you are going down the right path looking for a new job. When your life is a mess (been there a couple of times) the best, best way to get it back in order it to find one thing you can control. Get that going - and then find another.

Good luck. Smile

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The constitution does not guarantee the right to own guns for sporting events. It guarantees it for the right to overthrow an oppresive government.

Jutter · Posted: Sat Feb 24, 2007 2:04 pm Post subject: Re: The "voice" of God

hephzibah · Posted: Sat Feb 24, 2007 2:31 pm Post subject:

Thanks for your responses you guys. First let me say I'm not suicidal by any means. I really don't have any desire to die. It's just an occasional feeling of being overwhelmed and thinking, "God damn this sucks." But I am grateful for life actually. Quite grateful now because despite some of my surrounding circumstances at the moment I am finally getting a chance to really LIVE now. Not be confined to a little box of do's and don'ts, you know?

Ophis and Jutter, thanks for pointing out that I was subject to an apparently appealing delusion and that I'm not alone in that. It helps to know I'm not the only one who is capable of being sucked into such garbage and to see that others have broken free from it.

Monty, thanks for the encouragement. That was very sweet.

You guys rock.
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Don't worry... Jesus loves you... Really he does... He'll only send you to hell if you don't follow his commandments... or him... oh yeah and hate your mother and father... but don't worry it's all good... just put on a skirt and head to church... it's your one way ticket to heaven... Truuuust me! Mr. Green

Friend · Posted: Sat Feb 24, 2007 2:32 pm Post subject: Re: The "voice" of God

hephzibah · Posted: Sat Feb 24, 2007 2:46 pm Post subject:

I guess my whole point to all of this was just simply, what do you think? Has anyone else thought they heard some "still small voice" in their heart that guided their every decision? Sit and wait for it. Be still and know that "He is God". LOL Now that I'm actually hearing that stuff from the outside perspective... man... that's just flipping hilarious!

Just how powerful is our mind to create such a delusion anyway? To be able to convince ourselves that we are actually hearing some sort of outside voice that's directing us. We've all got a conscience. I dare say that the majority of that stuff I was doing ultimately came from my conscience. However it is that my idea of right and wrong came about it was my conscience saying, "naaa, don't do that" rather than some fairy God up in heaven waiting to hear my every call. I don't know though. What do you think?
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Don't worry... Jesus loves you... Really he does... He'll only send you to hell if you don't follow his commandments... or him... oh yeah and hate your mother and father... but don't worry it's all good... just put on a skirt and head to church... it's your one way ticket to heaven... Truuuust me! Mr. Green

Friend · Posted: Mon Feb 26, 2007 12:53 pm Post subject:

Mr_C · Posted: Mon Feb 26, 2007 1:39 pm Post subject:

Terrordar · Posted: Mon Feb 26, 2007 1:59 pm Post subject:

Personally, I think that if you hear the voice of god, see professional help Very Happy

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Forces of Chaos... BOW to me...

hephzibah · Posted: Mon Feb 26, 2007 10:34 pm Post subject:

Heh... I didn't word that quite right did I? I didn't mean to say "outside voice" as in an audible voice of God. I meant "outside" as in supposedly separate from our own thoughts or ideas. Sort of like "God" placing thoughts in our head. Does that make sense? No... I've never heard an audible voice of "God" and if I had I would be seeking help right now. Wink

I had a friend years back though that said she literally heard the voice of "God" one day at work. It must not have impacted her life too much though. She's the one who "led me to Christ" and she walked away from christianity eight years prior to me.

Man Mr C I'm telling ya... most of christianity is a big fat copout. They've got one for everything. If you pray for someone to get healed and it doesn't happen... well... it just wasn't "God's" will you see... or you didn't pray hard enough... If you are poor and pray for help and the help doesn't come... well "God's" just teaching you to suffer... He's teaching you patience... The list goes on and on. One of the things I've noticed about myself recently is that I have a major issue right now with taking too much responsibility for things. I'll take my share and the other persons share as well.

I can't even flipping help myself sometimes. I've been trying to make a conscious effort not to do it, and it's coming slowly but I have to actually think before I act every time. Still I've kept thinking... where in the heck did this come from? Why is it I feel responsible for everything that goes wrong? Well I think I owe christianity a big fat thank you for that one. You see, if something went wrong it was always MY fault. Never "God's". Never anyone else's. If I didn't get what I needed it wasn't because "God" didn't hear me, I just wasn't praying hard enough, doing enough good works, or tithing enough...

It's all so warped. So sickening. And yet rather sad too. Now that I've stepped outside of it all it does sadden me a bit to see these people being sucked into such a scheme. Throwing away so much money, time, effort, and even suffering in ways no one should have to for this "ticket to heaven" where there will be no more tears... no more pain... no more sadness... no more shame... What a shame to waste your whole life trying to please something that's not even real. Not even there. To give up so much in essence to get nothing but a big fat empty promise in your hand in the end.
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Don't worry... Jesus loves you... Really he does... He'll only send you to hell if you don't follow his commandments... or him... oh yeah and hate your mother and father... but don't worry it's all good... just put on a skirt and head to church... it's your one way ticket to heaven... Truuuust me! Mr. Green

Mr_C · Posted: Tue Feb 27, 2007 10:38 am Post subject:

kmisho · Posted: Tue Feb 27, 2007 1:32 pm Post subject:

ApostateLois · Posted: Mon Mar 05, 2007 5:17 pm Post subject:

fjord_byron · Posted: Fri May 18, 2007 6:39 pm Post subject: Voice of God

I've thought for a long time that many fundamentalist Christians are unknowingly moving into "new age" territory, and some churches almost seem cult-like. Their believers have a longing to return to innocence through salvation and at the same time, rename their own egos "God", to express their reactions to those who don't believe as they do.

If I could imagine an ideal religion (ignoring my signature quote), it would be one that combines some Buddhist and Christian teachings with an emphasis on humility, compassion for the sick and poor and in cultivating non-violent civil disobedience. It would not be oriented to political power and mind control as fundamentalism promotes. If such a religion existed, I'd have to make one exception to Weinberg's quote on religion. Angel

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