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joshuas3521
Nobody Expects the Spanish Inquisition!
Joined: 19 Dec 2007
Posts: 2236
Local time: 6:59 PM
Location: Birmingham, Alabama
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 Posted: Thu Jun 12, 2008 9:37 pm Post subject: Funny Bible Stories |
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I hope that nobody made this yet. It seems appropriate that we have a thread for our funny bible stories, there are more than enough of them 
Both of these were mentioned by Dawkins in one of his books, and they are still my favorites.
Genesis 19:30-36
Lot (after being rescued from the damned city of Sodom) is living with his two daughters. There are no men around, so they get him drunk and trick him into impregnating both of them.
Judges 19:22-29
A man and his concubine are staying with a friend when the locals come to the house and demand they send out the guest so they can sodomize him. The host does the noble thing and instead offers the concubine who is then gang raped until morning. The next day they find her dead on the doorstep, so he does the rational thing and pulls out a knife to divide her into twelve pieces and throw her into the ocean. 
Post your favorites!
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"What I'm saying is, if God wanted to send us a message, and ancient writings were the only way he could think of doing it, he could have done a better job." --Carl Sagan
"In the beginning the universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move." --Douglas Adams
In memory of George Carlin. May he rest in peace.
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ChrissyFos
Lobal Dominatrix
Joined: 08 Dec 2005
Posts: 5315
Local time: 6:59 PM
Location: Here, There and Everywhere
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| Posted: Thu Jun 12, 2008 9:50 pm Post subject: |
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Jacob, Esau and the merry, hairy band of lies.
meets
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This space is reserved for inarticulate meat puppets who have no true perspective outside the refuge of quotation marks.
Reverend Mother
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redraiderdude187
The Madcap Laugher
Joined: 19 Jan 2007
Posts: 1152
Local time: 6:59 PM
Location: Houston, Texas
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| Posted: Fri Jun 13, 2008 11:24 pm Post subject: |
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Judges 3:12-31
Basically there's a really fat, evil king named Eglon ruling in Moab. A joo goes and stabs him with a sword, and Eglon is so fat that his body swallows the sword and the joo-assassin can't get it out of Eglon's body... so he leaves.
The End.
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Above the hive, beyond the lynch mob, where two and two always make four. |
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