jokes old style

aitm · Posted: Mon Jun 09, 2008 7:33 pm Post subject: jokes old style

From the days of the early television comics, some golden oldies.

There was a beautiful young woman knocking on my hotel room door all night ..... I finally had to let her out.
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A car hit an elderly Jewish man. The paramedic says, "Are you comfortable?"
The man says, "I make a good living."
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I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
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I've been in love with the same woman for 49 years. If my wife ever finds out,
she'll kill me!
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What are three words a woman never wants to hear when she's making love?
"Honey, I'm home!"
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Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends
less than my wife did.
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My wife & I always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
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My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night, only
this time I stayed in the bathroom and cried.
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She was at the beauty shop for two hours. That was only for the estimate. She
got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.
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I was just in London - there is a 6-hour time difference. I'm still confused. When
I go to dinner, I feel sexy. When I go to bed, I feel hungry.
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The doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill, so the
doctor gave him another six months.
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The doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, "Mrs. Cohen, your check came back.
" Mrs. Cohen answered, "So did my arthritis!"
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Doctor: "You'll live to be 60!"
Patient: "I AM 60!"
Doctor: "See! What did I tell you?"
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A doctor held a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, "Doc, how do
I stand?" The doctor answers "That's what puzzles me!"
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Patient: "I have a ringing in my ears."
Doctor: "Don't answer!"
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A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says, "You've been brought here for
drinking." The drunk says "Okay, let's get started."
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A bum asked a fellow, "Give me $10 till payday." The fellow responded, "When's
payday?" The bum said, "I don't know! You're the one that's working!"
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I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.
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The Harvard School of Medicine did a study of why women like Chinese food so much. The study revealed that this is due to the fact that Won Ton spelled backward is 'Not Now.'
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A Jewish boy comes home from school and tells his mother he has a part in the play. She asks, "What part is it?" The boy says, "I play the part of the Jewish husband."
The mother scowls and says, "Go back and tell the teacher you want a speaking part."
_________________
Its not that I question so much whether a god created man, but that he would admit it.- Thomas Brumfield
psst, theres a vagina on your bumper!
Knowledge: The cure for religion.
The reality is: The majority of Christians are, because they have never read the Bible, whereas the majority of Atheists are, because they have. tjb

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