Halcyon
Intern
Joined: 19 May 2008
Posts: 40
Local time: 10:54 PM
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 Posted: Mon May 26, 2008 5:15 am Post subject: Couple of jokes... |
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A bus full of nuns crashes and all the nuns on board die. The nuns find themselves in front of the pearly gates of heaven. St. Peter is guarding the gate and is standing beside a pool of holy water. He asks the first nun,
"Have you ever come in contact with a penis?"
The nun replies,
"Well, I did touch the tip of one with my finger,"
"Very well," St. Peter says. "Dip your finger into this holy water and you may enter Heaven." She does and goes through the pearly gates. St. Peter turns to the next nun in line and asks the same question.
"Well, I did go a bit overboard once and, you know, massaged it a bit." So she dipped her hands into the holy water and went through the pearly gates. All of a sudden, there's a commotion in line.
"What is the problem here?" asks St. Peter.
"Well your holiness," replies Sister Agnes. "if I have to gargle that stuff, I want to do it before Sister Mary sticks her ass in it!"
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A boy is having dinner at his girlfriend's house one night before they go on a big date. The girl has told him that tonight, she's ready to lose her
virginity. So before heading over to the house, the boy stops at a pharmacy to get some condoms. He thinks he's going to be busy, so he grabs the family
size box. The pharmacist says "Big night planned, sonny?" The boy nods, pays for the condoms, and leaves.
That night the boy is at the girl's house having dinner. "Son, would you like to say grace?" her father asks. Everyone bows their head, and the boy prays
silently.
5 min...
10 min...
15 min...
Finally the girl whispers to him, "I had no idea you were so religious..."
The boy looks up and whispers back "I had no idea your dad was a pharmacist."
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An elderly couple had dinner at another couple’s house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.
The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, ’Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was realy great. I would recommend it very highly.’
The other man said, ’What is the name of the restaurant?’
The first man thought and thought and finally said, ’What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know... The one that’s red and has thorns.’
’Do you mean a rose?’
’Yes, that’s the one,’ replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, ’Rose, what’s the name of that restaurant we went to last night?’
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A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.
After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, ’Crushed nuts?’
’No,’ he replied, ’Arthritis.’
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"Anyone who would give their essential liberties for a little temporary security, deserves neither liberty
nor security" - Benjamin Franklin
“The man who can’t dance thinks the band is no good.”
—Polish Proverb |
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