A personal crisis

Azathoth · Posted: Sat Apr 26, 2008 3:06 pm Post subject: A personal crisis

I don't know how much background you guys really need, but here's some basic stuff:

I'm 16. My parents are atheists and by extension, so am I. My boyfriend is an atheist, my sister is an atheist, my friends are atheists, and my general environment is pretty atheist-friendly.

But lately I've been dealing with a lot of confusion. I'm overall pretty happy but I was feeling kind of empty. I ended up listening to some Bach to try and promote some good thinking and ended up being really pulled in a religious direction. And that religion happens to be Christianity. Be nice, here, I'm trying to figure things out.

Now, on the one hand, I'm kind of half-converted. Theoretically, and on the squishy level, I'm pretty much okay with the whole Jesus thing. But, basic research makes the whole thing really stupid. Believing that a malevolent spiritual force is what makes me fight with my sister is weird. There's a lot of circular reasoning that's confusing me. I don't think I can really get on board with the idea that a big (relatively) benevolent entity is watching my every move and is going to send me to roast because I didn't tell it I'm sorry for the crap I've done.

But.

I'm also feeling a very strong pull in this direction and a lot of it just seems right. Just seeming right is not what I usually use as my standard of evidence, so there's more cognitive dissonance here.

It's not a fear of hell that's driving me, though. The idea of some kind of eternal separation makes sense, I guess, but the idea of eternal pain and torture for normal people who didn't kill puppies seems like overkill. And if God is that much of an asshole, I don't think I want to worship him.

I wish I could approach this like math. I'm pretty good with numbers and logical trains of thought, but I'm also not a supreme logician, and the argument from personal incredulity is a fallacy, so hey, I'm confused. Has anyone dealt with thoughts like this before?

Also, with the whole Bible thing, I find it hard to take literally but why can't it be interpreted? On the other hand, if it's based off of interpretation, couldn't Jesus be a metaphor?

If you want to post something along the lines of 'lolz xtian retard gtfo my forum' please go fuck yourself and leave my thread alone.

I know the basic logical refutations for a literal interpretation, but I'm not taking the Bible literally and I'm not scared of Hell. I'm just curious and this is seeming right. Confused

Basically I'm just working myself around in circles. I'm not especially smart, but I'm smart enough to know that what's attracting me is stupid, logically inconsistent, and all that.
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howgoyoufar · Posted: Sat Apr 26, 2008 3:10 pm Post subject:

If you want to have blind faith, there's not much we can say against that.
You say you're good with logic, then you should know why religion is a bad idea.
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Came out of the changing room, and absolutely fuck all had changed.

My siggy is are FTW.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck shit cock whore fuck.

Shiranu · Posted: Sat Apr 26, 2008 3:14 pm Post subject:

As an ex-christian, I deal with these thoughts all the time. When I was a Christian, it just felt like the right thing to be, I pretended to be happy, I pretended to enjoy worship, I pretended to believe that God was a posibility, but when it came down to it, I just could not believe in all the bull that Christianity is.

I dont know what to say but to think with your mind and not your heart, because if you go with your heart your mind will beat you for it.

Edit: As a Christian, I felt empty all the time, even as an atheist I feel that way 60 % of the time. You can try to fill that hole with an imaginary figure, but the relief you will get is imaginary, and you will know it.
_________________
"We dont know if we each have a destiny, or if we all are just floatin round accidental like on a breeze... but I think maybe its both...maybe both is happening at the same time." - Forrest Gump

"And when our children fight our wars, while we sit back just keeping score, Were teaching murder not understanding now...
We're setting the fires to light the way, We're burning it all to begin again, With hope in our hearts and bricks in our hands, We sing for change." - Rise Against

Knight_of_BAAWA · Posted: Sat Apr 26, 2008 3:15 pm Post subject:

You're 16.

Being confused and empty is normal.
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Atheist Minister for St. Dogbert.

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PJS · Posted: Sat Apr 26, 2008 3:21 pm Post subject:

eximius · Posted: Sat Apr 26, 2008 3:25 pm Post subject:

If you want to ignore all the facts, go ahead.

I also agree with Knight, although I'm 16 and I don't feel like converting. Even though I'm depressed and have serious medical issues...
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"God doesn't have a limp" House

Shiranu · Posted: Sat Apr 26, 2008 3:26 pm Post subject:

Also, what knight said. Its an age thing, not a religious thing Razz

_________________
"We dont know if we each have a destiny, or if we all are just floatin round accidental like on a breeze... but I think maybe its both...maybe both is happening at the same time." - Forrest Gump

"And when our children fight our wars, while we sit back just keeping score, Were teaching murder not understanding now...
We're setting the fires to light the way, We're burning it all to begin again, With hope in our hearts and bricks in our hands, We sing for change." - Rise Against

howgoyoufar · Posted: Sat Apr 26, 2008 3:36 pm Post subject:

Well I'm 16 too, but when I feel like that I just get some ice cream and Oprah..jeez..
_________________
Came out of the changing room, and absolutely fuck all had changed.

My siggy is are FTW.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck shit cock whore fuck.

Knight_of_BAAWA · Posted: Sat Apr 26, 2008 3:37 pm Post subject:

Shiranu · Posted: Sat Apr 26, 2008 3:38 pm Post subject:

howgoyoufar · Posted: Sat Apr 26, 2008 3:51 pm Post subject:

Oh man, did I say oprah?
I meant deathklok.
_________________
Came out of the changing room, and absolutely fuck all had changed.

My siggy is are FTW.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck shit cock whore fuck.

MockingGods · Posted: Sat Apr 26, 2008 3:53 pm Post subject:

Moloth · Posted: Sat Apr 26, 2008 3:54 pm Post subject:

josephpalazzo · Posted: Sat Apr 26, 2008 4:07 pm Post subject:

The universe is cold, impersonal, and indifferent. Learn to live with it, it's not that hard...

PJS · Posted: Sat Apr 26, 2008 4:10 pm Post subject:

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