The Three Keys

TheEndMan · Posted: Fri Apr 18, 2008 7:56 pm Post subject: The Three Keys

Hello, everybody, I am TheEndMan, and my hobby is: writing.
I write pretty much anything- poems, short stories, etc.
I hope you like THIS short story, titled

The Three Keys
by TheEndMan

Instead of opening the box, she threw the key out to sea. She saw it floating, nay drifting away, never to return. She threw the box into another box, and threw its key from atop a mountain. Then, she put the two boxes into another box, tied the final key to a helium balloon, and let it go into the air.

Her love, whom she was hiding the contents of the boxes from, got into a hot-air balloon with the most sophisticated tracking equipment, and retrieved the key. Then, he took a tank and metal detectors and found the key lost in the mountaintops. Finally, he took a fleet of submarines and, after five years, found the last key.

Her love took the three keys and presented them to her. "My love," he said, "I have spent all of my millions in search of the three keys to the object in the chests. However, I present them to you now, knowing you may take the keys and scatter them once more. For I know ypu keep the chests dear to you, an dI know that in taking them, I'd hurt you emotionally and, perhaps, physically. Please do with them what you will." Her love was kneeling, holding the keys in his palms, raised towards her. He resembled an ancient Greek, offering food to a god.

She left him kneeling and returned with the chests. He unlocked the first chest to find the secind chest. He unlocked the second chest to find the third chest. He unlocked the final chest and revealed a small scrap of paper. As he picked it up she smiled, and he turned it iver and, reading it, was tightly embraced and kissed by her.

The paper fluttered down and was swept up in the breeze. It fell, face-up, in the ocean, never to be seen again. Before the paper was destroyed by the water, it read: "My heart".

The End.

It's not by best work, but one of my favorites. What do you think?
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aitm · Posted: Fri Apr 18, 2008 8:40 pm Post subject:

I think it shows promise. You try to hurry to much though. Slow down and let us imagine more, by giving slightly more detail. Not too much as we will go back to drinking beer and self flagulation, (like Moloth) but enough to make us think we understand the person.
Yes, some ass hole is gonna rip ya, but don't let that bother ya, keep writing.
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Its not that I question so much whether a god created man, but that he would admit it.- Thomas Brumfield
psst, theres a vagina on your bumper!
Knowledge: The cure for religion.

TheEndMan · Posted: Fri Apr 18, 2008 8:44 pm Post subject:

Thank you very much.

~TheEndMan
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Jutter · Posted: Sat Apr 19, 2008 3:04 pm Post subject:

Apart from being in a big hurry, the story also puzzles.

Why the big fuss about locking up a piece of paper that reads "my heart" in the first place?

The man conveniently turns out to be stinking rich; would someone incapable of hiring a fleet of submarines have been unworthy of her love? That would ruin the romantic aspect of the story fiercely wouldn't it?

By the way, what kind of writing of yours would fall into the etc. catagory?
_________________
~ Let us be reasonable ~
Congratulations: you are paracorrect about the supernatural.
*"If there were nobody listening to gods anymore, there would be nothing left for us to do,...
... then to finally start listening to each other."
*As any gamer will tell you: God-mode is a cheat-code.

josephpalazzo · Posted: Sat Apr 19, 2008 3:45 pm Post subject:

The only mystery here, is when does he get laid?!?

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