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sjc
P.I.T.A.
Joined: 26 Jan 2007
Posts: 1603
Local time: 7:08 AM
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 Posted: Tue Mar 06, 2007 11:28 am Post subject: Holy Bottled Water |
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Looks like things just got tougher for vampires. 
| Code: | WASH AWAY YOUR SINS, YOUR GUILT, AND YOUR THIRST (at the same time).
You may not be religious, and you may not even believe in heaven or hell, but if you have the choice between two quality spring waters, one that has been blessed, and one that has not been, then why in heaven's name would you even take the chance? Our spring water tastes great, costs about the same price as other brands, and is blessed by religious leaders as it is being bottled.
For thousands of years, in virtually every religion, water has been used to wash away the sins of Jews, Christians, Muslims, Buddhists, and even members of the Occult. Now you can cleanse and protect yourself while extinguishing your thirst with with Holy Springwater™.
Holy Springwater™ is 100% pure natural springwater, that tastes great and has been blessed. By a Monk, a Catholic Priest, or a Holy Shaman, the blessing does not take away from the taste. Holy Springwater™ washes away the sins of anyone feeling "less then saintly" while quenching your thirsts...like nothing else can. Try our Holy Springwater™, Your immediate redemption and satisfaction are guaranteed.
MAKE IT INTO HEAVEN.
According to the experts, Over 200 million men and women in this country are going to Hell.
DESIGNED TO BE THE ULTIMATE BLESSED SPRINGWATER, GUARANTEED.
We spent nearly two years developing this product after consulting with religious leaders of all faiths, including those religions that did not even acknowledge the existence of heaven and hell. There was one resounding common thread: You are responsible for your actions, those actions have consequences, and these actions will affect you in life or the next. So, why take chances?
We asked these Holy leaders what they could do; What was blessings could they perform as our springwater is bottled and shipped to our thirsty consumers, that would cleanse them of their sins and guilt? The result of our hard work is simply amazing.
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http://www.holyspringwater.com/
_________________
America is not worth the effort anymore. RIP. It was suicide. |
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monkeybyte
Forum Master
Joined: 04 Jan 2004
Posts: 3385
Local time: 9:08 PM
Location: At E's place for tea.
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| Posted: Tue Mar 06, 2007 12:33 pm Post subject: |
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Here I was looking for Peter Popov, and it's a parody site.
http://www.holyspringwater.com/HolyShaman.htm
_________________
"Setting people on fire is wrong." -Todd "Squee" Casil. |
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Iliketofrolic666
laissez faire, laissez aller, laissez passer
Joined: 13 May 2006
Posts: 266
Local time: 6:08 AM
Location: Buffalo, NY
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| Posted: Tue Mar 06, 2007 4:55 pm Post subject: |
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| Quote: | Your order has been placed, the confirmation number is 5551212.
God knows everything, so we don't need your address and we don't need your credit card number.
Thank you for your order. |
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ApostateLois
Infinity Welcomes Careful Drivers
Joined: 01 Feb 2006
Posts: 2055
Local time: 7:08 PM
Location: In space, with a traffic cone
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| Posted: Tue Mar 06, 2007 10:22 pm Post subject: |
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Cool! I'm gonna get some, too! I won't even bother placing an order because God already knows I want some and he'll make sure they send it to me.
_________________
Kryten: Don't you believe that God exists in all things? Aren't you a Pantheist?
Lister: Yeah, I just don't think it applies to kitchen utensils. I'm not a Fryingpantheist. |
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Nimitz
Guest
Local time: 9:08 PM
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| Posted: Tue Mar 06, 2007 10:43 pm Post subject: |
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| I wonder how it goes with scotch? |
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neon
Excelsior!
Joined: 09 Jul 2005
Posts: 4943
Local time: 5:08 AM
Location: FL
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| Posted: Wed Mar 07, 2007 9:19 am Post subject: |
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So, do you pee extra-holy pee or something?
Do you have to pray before you flush the toilet?
_________________
Born-again atheists
Practising troublemakers
"Go! put off holiness, / And put on intellect." --William Blake, 1757-1827 |
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Jutter
Quixotic Cloggy
Joined: 26 Jul 2003
Posts: 6384
Local time: 12:08 PM
Location: Den Helder, the Netherlands
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| Posted: Wed Mar 07, 2007 10:59 am Post subject: |
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Is anyone else thinking about Buffy the vampire pisser?
_________________
~ Let us be reasonable ~
*You want to claim there's such a thing as the "supernatural"? Fine. I hereby declare that proposition "paracorrect".
*"If there were nobody listening to gods anymore, there would be nothing left for us to do, then to finally start listening to each other."
*As any gamer will tell you: God-mode is a cheat-code. |
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