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Sultan Borat
Royal Citizen
Joined: 03 Mar 2007
Posts: 307
Local time: 4:14 AM
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 Posted: Thu May 24, 2007 5:38 pm Post subject: Re: Death and Toddlers |
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| Pixxie wrote: | This is for any of you parents out there who may have dealt with this.
I live in a rather religious conservative area in Michigan. I have a 3 1/2 year old girl and an 21 month old girl. The 3 1/2 year old is just starting to learn about death and I don't know how to explain it without scaring her. Know what I mean? Our 18 year old cat Boris was put to sleep in February, and yesterday she started crying and said "I want him back." The night he was put to sleep both my husband and I just said "he went away." That is SO insufficient in my opinion.
Both of my parents died 8 years ago, and the other night she asked me where my mommy is. I told her that "she's gone and not here any more." She looked at me and took my face in her hands and said sympathetically "do you miss her?" Let me tell you, I almost lost it. When she asked me where my mommy was, again, I was afraid to respond. It's so damn easy to say "oh, they are in heaven" but I'm NOT going there. Instead I just told her that "I don't know."
There has to be a better approach and this subject will come up again. How do you explain death without frightening them and without leaning on the crutch of Heaven as an explanation?
Please help! Any input would be great. |
I don't know we are in a unigue situation, I imagine some books have been released on this subject. One sole aspect about our awareness of our mortality is that we shouldn't take our lives for granted , Live every day to its fullest and take the time to bond with our loved while we still have that privilege.
The only idea I can think of is discussing the various belief of the afterlife held by people worldwide and through history , Discuss science and philosophy. That those people we cherish will live in our memories and what impact they have had on us.
Simply in childly friendly terms point out that it is a great mystery that has perplex people for thousands of years.
It amazes me how I have become comfortable with mortality after just a few years of coming to this realization, I admit it was unsettle ling and scary for quite a while but I decided that living in fear over something you can stop or prevent is pointless.
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"If there is a God, atheism must seem to Him as less of an insult than religion." -- Edmond and Jules de Goncourt ~ |
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Specus_Meretricis
Peddler of Bombast
Joined: 08 Mar 2007
Posts: 2754
Local time: 5:14 AM
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| Posted: Thu May 24, 2007 5:41 pm Post subject: Re: Death and Toddlers |
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[quote="Sultan Borat"] | Pixxie wrote: |
It amazes me how I have become comfortable with mortality after just a few years of coming to this realization, I admit it was unsettle ling and scary for quite a while but I decided that living in fear over something you can stop or prevent is pointless. |
Did you ever go through a phase when you were a child when the though of your life ending was really horrible? I had about a three month span of time when I was around eight or nine when I went through that. Where the idea of my existence not being permanent was really scary. |
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DoubleDutch
Visitor
Joined: 09 Feb 2007
Posts: 16
Local time: 9:14 AM
Location: London, UK
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| Posted: Fri May 25, 2007 8:28 am Post subject: |
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I remember the exact opposite. The idea to go to heaven and endlessly sing halleluyah in a brightly lit place with thousands of other people was really scary.
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"Those who deny freedom to others deserve it not for themselves." - Abraham Lincoln
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Nimitz
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Local time: 7:14 PM
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| Posted: Fri May 25, 2007 9:04 am Post subject: |
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| Please let us know how things turn out Pixxie. |
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ApostateLois
Infinity Welcomes Careful Drivers
Joined: 01 Feb 2006
Posts: 2066
Local time: 5:14 PM
Location: In space, with a traffic cone
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| Posted: Fri May 25, 2007 9:47 am Post subject: |
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| lao tzu wrote: | | Be careful you don't leave her with the impression she's about to lose her mommy and daddy. Kids that age have no real understanding of time, so it's fair to tell them it's something that only happens to people when they get really old. |
That might be kind of ambiguous, too. To a child, any adult is really old. I remember, as a child, thinking that age 40 was soooo far away. Now I'm 42 and wondering where the time went! I dunno, explaining death to a child who doesn't yet grasp the finality of it is probably pretty hard. I think it's easier if the child grows up with lots of pets, because animals are bound to die and they learn quickly that a dead pet does not come back to play. From there, they can extrapolate that when Grandma dies, she won't be back, either.
I think religion does more to scare children about death than anything. When I was about 12 or 13, I remember being upset because if the Rapture occurred, I wouldn't have time to do stuff that I wanted to do. Every other Christian seemed excited at the prospect of Jesus returning, so I didn't say much about it because I felt guilty at not being excited, too.
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Kryten: Don't you believe that God exists in all things? Aren't you a Pantheist?
Lister: Yeah, I just don't think it applies to kitchen utensils. I'm not a Fryingpantheist. |
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CET
The Spiritual Atheist
Joined: 02 Apr 2003
Posts: 12816
Local time: 1:14 AM
Location: SoCal, USA
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| Posted: Fri May 25, 2007 12:10 pm Post subject: |
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| ApostateLois wrote: | | I think religion does more to scare children about death than anything. |
I hadn't thought of that. Now I'm wondering if denying the fact of death, and trying to create a fantasy on how it doesn't actually happen (life doesn't end, it'll go on in another fashion) actually deepens the anxiety over one's eventual demise.
 Crap, now I gotta start researching this possibility. See ya in a few years! 
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CET 
The Spiritual Atheist
"Much of the suffering in the world comes from the delusion that we are separate from one another." - Gautama Buddha
"Those who dance are considered insane by those who can't hear the music." - George Carlin |
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