Atheists book of bible stories Ch. 5

CanadianSkeptic · Intern Joined: 01 Oct 2006 Posts: 36 Local time: 2:40 AM

DEATH, AND OTHER MINOR AILMENTS

When I die (God forbid), I certainly hope that it?s not from anything serious. In Bible times, it appears that very few things were ever serious. People seemed to be able to recover from just about anything.

In this chapter, we will explore some of the Bible characters who survived that most serious of all maladies - death. On numerous occasions, a Bible character is killed off, only to reappear in a later chapter or book. Either these were an extremely hardy group of individuals, or someone?s fact checker was in the bar when he should have been checking facts.

THE MIDIANITES

The Midianites engaged in a great sin. They allowed some of the Israelites to have sex with them. As a result, they had to be punished.

Moses, the meekest of all men, issued the order to kill all of the Midianites. Numbers 31:7 tells us that the obedient Israelites ?slew every male.? When Moses found out about this, he was furious, and rightly so, because the Israelites had let the women and evil children live. What follows next is one of the most bloodthirsty genocides recorded in the Bible. This meek man issues the command (vs 17) to ?kill every male among the little ones, and kill every woman who has known man by lying with him.? Mercifully, though, he decrees that the young girls could just be raped. Verse 18 says ?But all the young girls who have not known man by lying with him, keep alive for yourselves.? All together, 32,000 virgins are taken as ?booty? (vs 35).

As an aside, it should be mentioned that the Midianites were being punished for fornication. Part of the remedy for that great sin is to take 32,000 young virgins as booty. Does anyone see a bit of a double standard, here?

I suppose I could pause for a moment and comment on the development of the modern expression ?booty?, but that hardly seems necessary.

So, the Midianites are completely wiped out. Every man, every boy, and every woman has been killed. The young girls have been individually assimilated into the Hebrew camp. The Midianite race hereby ceases to exist.

But, not for long. Judges 6:1,2 tells us: ?The people of Israel did what was evil in the sight of the Lord; and the Lord gave them into the hand of Midian seven years. And the hand of Midian prevailed over Israel; and because of Midian, the people of Israel made for themselves the dens which are in the mountains, and the caves and the strongholds.?

So, after complete annihilation, the Midianites soon are not only back, but are numerous enough to dominate the multi-million (according to the bible) population of the Israelites. Just how numerous were they? Well according to Judges 8:10, there were 135,000 warriors, indicating a total population of at least 400,000. I guess genocide and mass murder aren?t all that serious after all.

The moral of this story is: never pick up an Israelite in a bar.

JABIN, KING OF HAZOR

Another example of someone whose death didn?t quite ?take?, was Jabin, the King of Hazor.

In Joshua, chapter 11, the story is told of several tribes who tried to stop the bloodthirsty reign of terror of the Israelites. Jabin, the King of Hazor, sends word to several other kings. So, they muster their forces. ?And they came out, with all their troops, a great host, in number like the sand that is upon the seashore, with very many horses and chariots.? (vs 4)

Joshua asks Jehovah what to do. In response, God issues his standard death order. So Joshua goes forth killing in the name of God. ?And the Lord gave them into the hand of Israel, who smote them, and chased them as far as great Sidon and Misrephothmaim, and eastward as far as the valley of Mizpeh; and they smote them until they left none remaining.? (vs Cool

Just so that there is no doubt, the bible specifically mentions Jabin. ?And Joshua turned back at that time, and took Hazor, and smote its king with the sword; for Hazor formerly was the head of all those kingdoms.? (vs 10)

So, the armies of these kingdoms were destroyed, Jabin was killed, and then Joshua went one step further. He left the army dead on the field of battle, and turned his attention to the city itself. ?And they put to the sword all who were in it, utterly destroying them; there was none left that breathed, and he burned Hazor with fire.? (vs 11)

Just to summarize: the army of Hazor was destroyed; Jabin, the king, was killed; the city was burned; and every breathing person in it was killed. That?s pretty final.

But, not long after, they were back. Judges chapter 4 begins by saying that the Israelites were doing what was evil in the sight of the Lord. So, as punishment, ?the Lord sold them into the hand of Jabin, king of Canaan, who ruled in Hazor...? (vs 2)

Not only did Jabin and the people of Hazor come back to life, but they were so numerous and strong that they could purchase the Israelites as slaves. This may have something to do with their secret weapon. ?Then the people of Israel cried to the Lord for help; for he had nine hundred chariots of iron and oppressed the people of Israel cruelly for twenty years.? (vs 3)

As an aside, there appears to be a bit of a mixed review on the effectiveness of iron chariots. On the one hand God tells the Israelites, ?For you shall drive out the Canaanites, though they have chariots of iron, and though they are strong.? (Joshua 17:1 Cool

On the other hand, ?the Lord was with Judah, and he took possession of the hill country, but he could not drive out the inhabitants of the plain, because they had chariots of iron.? (Judges 1:19) Almighty God must not have realized just how tough those iron chariots were, when he made his initial boast. It appears that a little technology, and I do mean a little, can defeat an army that has God?s backing.

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